My Lost Soul, (cant think of any lovable word for you now!)
My heart
still hurt, mesmerized by those gigantic and heavy(with tears) words of our so called last conversation (I wonder don’t u even dream about me now !),
still hoping all that was an illusion,
still praying it to be turned out to be a dream when you awake midnight and don’t want to sleep again coz you cant let that happen even in dream,
But its like the script inscripted as my destiny with my own blood.
Do you remember those stones we threw in the pond while sitting at the lakeside of our town oasis, planning about each others dreams, sharing everything, promising to remain natural as always. This summer I went there (Probably with first time no one hidden and waiting for me). The water is gone now leaving wet clay with foot prints of oxen and some of those stones peeping out, staring at me.
Do you think I don’t know anything. You think using those words and behavior you can make me detest you. That day I had read it in your eyes already. You was there just to make me feel that whatever happened and whatever was destined to decant upon as consequences was not destiny but you. Why you want me to believe that you don’t love me anymore, when you know its untrue! How can you forget your own words, “ प्यार में लेने - देने का हिसाब नहीं रखा जाता प्यार तो बस किया जाता है ” Love is not like a computer where you can log off, change user, shut Down or even restart. प्यार के मायने एक दूसरे को पा लेना नहीं, वरन् एक दूसरे को समझना है प्यार तपस्या में भी है और त्याग में भी, फर्क सिर्फ इतना है कि तपस्या अपने लिए की जाती है, और त्याग अपनों के लिए That’s why I not even tried to stop you from going. मैं तुमसे प्यार करती हूँ और करती रहूँगी The only pain I feel is that you always override to face all the challenges life poured upon us. But when the flood came you were not there. What happened to all those sentences starting with, “I promise…”. I left the whole world for you but you left me for that same world.
but you don't seem to understand
a shame you seemed an honest man
and all the fears you hold so dear
will turn to whisper in your ear
and you know what they say might hurt you
and you know that it means so much
and you dont even feel a thing
i am falling, i am fading
i have lost it all
.
-Yours' (used to be)
Vandy (rajasthani word meaning "silly girl")
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